Recognising Narcissism
It is important to note that someone showing narcissistic
traits does not necessarily mean that they suffer from Narcissistic Personality
Disorder (NPD). Narcissism is the human experience of feeling important,
needing admiration and attention, and wanting success and love. Mental health experts state that it’s common
and natural to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without
having a disorder. NPD involves a more extreme form of narcissism that can
cause great distress and impairment over time.
Individuals with more moderate to significant narcissism typically
display a pattern and significant degree of self-centeredness, a lack of
empathy, and a deep need for admiration. They hate being undermined or
questioned. They may manipulate, gaslight, are highly critical or engage in
other toxic behaviours (including using the children, finances or any other
means) to maintain control and undermine their ex-partners. Understanding these
traits is the first step to effectively dealing with them.
Seek Legal Assistance
One of the most crucial steps when dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner in family law matters is to seek the guidance of a family lawyer who has experience in dealing with narcissistic personalities and high-conflict cases. Often narcissistic personalities aren’t reasonable or logical and so their approach may catch the inexperienced lawyer off-guard. Having a switched-on and adaptable family lawyer on your side who is experienced in dealing with individuals who display narcissistic tendencies will give you the best chance to both protect your interests and resolve your matter.
Maintain Documentation
Documentation is important in any family law matter, but its importance cannot be understated when dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner. Keep records of all communication, including text messages, emails, and voicemails. If the matter proceeds to court, or even during negotiations, this documentation can assist to protect you from false accusations or manipulative claims.
Set Boundaries
Narcissistic individuals often thrive on chaos and drama. To maintain your own mental and emotional well-being, set clear boundaries with your ex-partner. If and when you need to discuss family law, financial or children’s matters, ensure that you:
- communicate only through written channels;
- avoid emotional confrontation; and
- stick to the relevant facts
Focus on What's Relevant
Narcissistic individuals often provoke emotional reactions to maintain control and it can be easy to get caught up in their manipulative tactics. For example, you may find yourself trying to defend against or justify something that is simply untrue. Therefore, it is important to focus on the relevant issues, which is best guided by an experienced family lawyer. What is relevant may vary from case to case, but could include, for example, the practical parenting arrangements and the well-being of your children, or what is to be done about the family home.
Practice Self-Care
Dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner can be mentally and
emotionally draining. It’s vital to prioritise self-care. Engage in activities
that reduce stress and maintain your mental and emotional health, such as
therapy, mindfulness, exercise, doing things you enjoy or spending time with a
support network of trusted friends and family.
Conclusion
Navigating family law matters with a narcissistic ex-partner is undoubtedly challenging, but not impossible. It’s important to have an experienced family lawyer on your side to advise and advocate for you and help you take the right steps to protect yourself and your interests. At Oikos Family Law, we are experienced in dealing with both ex-partners with narcissistic personalities and their lawyers who enable this behaviour.
For an obligation-free chat, please contact one of our experienced family lawyers on 0421 397 316 or jlok@oikosfamilylaw.com.au.
